Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this will be a night to untag.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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