we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When are your genitals available?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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