Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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