no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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The air was thick with penises
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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