please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're a waste of cheezeits
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
