She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
