You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
