ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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