I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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