I've blown a few things in my day
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
