the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize