Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
