At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
