you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
only if we run a train.
done.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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