I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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