Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
