im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
