I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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