Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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