Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
