I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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