dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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