He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
two words: eviction party
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
