WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
