We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
3pm strippers are depressing
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
