I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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