We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
