I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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