That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
