What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
