If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
