You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
