If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
