"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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