i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
