Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
