i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
