Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
