"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize