Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
