Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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