i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
