Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
