Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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