Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
