I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You may now shotgun with the bride
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
