the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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