whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
