maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
