The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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