So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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