I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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