Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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