I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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