i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize