My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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